tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8465231778627220542024-02-23T19:38:32.693-05:00contrappostosUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-44089766114469726352011-11-25T19:43:00.000-05:002011-11-27T18:02:51.991-05:00<a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51UpAaSsIPL._SL500_AA300_.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51UpAaSsIPL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 300px; margin: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 300px;" /></a><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">the power of the DIRTY DANCE/ART</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large; font-weight: bold;">When One Takes Baby Out of the Corner<br /><br />the dirty dancing-- our coming of age story</span><br />
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I want to talk about the 1987 film <span style="font-style: italic;">Dirty Dancing--</span>the sexy, dance flick/ coming age of tale of Frances "Baby" Houseman starring Jennifer Grey and the great, Patrick Swayze. Confession: I love all dance movies (Flashdance, Singing in the Rain, Footloose, Save the Last Dance, Billy Elliot, Mad Hot Ballroom, Black Swan, Grease, and even, oh!, Center Stage)-- these movies all signal dance, as the fundamental art-medium for the body, as a powerful force that leads to all kinds of important things: sex, social justice, violence, political action, hysteria, self-revelation, interracial relationships, conflicts, suicides, visions, love, body dysmorphic disorder, etc.) Dance-- and all it's iterations--is where the body goes to be human.<br />
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Most pop movies depict the Artist as a manic, selfish, and unpractical outcast doomed to the edge of the world-- . But dance movies generally provide an uplifting message for the artist; they say, YES!, wreck our world. we want it. give us the chaos. lets live in the dirt and grime of your art.<br />
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Nothing makes this more clear than <span style="font-style: italic;">Dirty Dancing</span>. I think of the opening, when "Baby" is introduced as a happy young woman, "in love" with her dad, the doctor, and soon to be attending college and the Peace Corps. Set in the late 1960's in a high-end resort in the mountains, everything is idyllic and peaceful. Nothing could be better...<br />
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UNTIL! Baby meets the ARTIST-- Johnny Castle, in all his artsy cliches. (uh... Castle... a real "dreamer). He's poor, he's rebellious, he's disliked by "the man", and he's sexually alive. Baby's first encounter with Johnny happens by accident (chance?) as she wanders around the resort and secretly overhears a staff meeting where the owner explains to his wait staff to flirt with the daughters, "even the dogs." Johnny and his dance crew, however, are to keep their "hands off" for who knows what the power of their artsy hands could do.<br />
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PARANOIA DANCE<br />
<a href="http://www.seriousland.com/Dirty%20Dancing%207.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://www.seriousland.com/Dirty%20Dancing%207.jpg" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 264px; margin: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 392px;" /></a><br />
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Later in the movie, Baby, the ever-wanderer, gets lost again and finds herself in Johnny's den of dance-- a shack even further into the woods. Here's where the good stuff starts happening-- the movie's colorful (brown) characters suddenly appear, the music gets better, and Baby is bewitched. The power of her gaze in this scene is so strong the causality is ambiguous. Who is causing who to move? Through exposition, it comes to light this DIRTY DANCE is happening all over American basements. Kids, infected with the dance, are just grinding and humping each other all the time. Baby, however, having been sterilized by the world and only interested in do-gooder stuff has missed the dance plague. But! Overcome by Johnny's power and the aura of the dance or her own internal bewitching, she plunges hips first toward the dance. She wants to get dirty! (Can we pardon/re-read the fetishing/animalizing of black and hispanic people in this scene??)<br />
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Stereotypes aside, the movie's genius is in how it positions the world and art; the artist, as a participant in the world's most corrupt activities, a marginalized figure, an unproductive and decadent member of society is more pivotal and vital than those who live a more traditionally rich and "successful" life. This is not because they contribute to culture or art, but because they unrest and unruly the environment. Dance, sorry, I mean DIRTY DANCE is the way to true pleasure and happiness, while college, world-peace, success, family, etc. are false avenues. When you think of every conventionally successful character in the movie-- be it the doctor dad, the rapist college grad, the sterile emotionless mom, or the bigot resort owner-- the movie advocates for being a degenerate. which is kind of awesome. <br />
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Perhaps even more interestingly, is that the movie never advocates for balance or a medium between the rich, sterile life of the professional and the dirty life of the artist. There is no suggestion that Baby will be continuing to DIRTY DANCE during the summers of her college years or as a minor hobby while she interns. Or that Johnny will now be taking classes at the local community college so he can be rehabilitated. Remaining marginalized, outcasts is what keep the artist alive. The movie's final scene, the artist coming center stage and sharing the DIRTY DANCE with the resort-ists is a bit complex. The film suggests that everyone can DIRTY DANCE but after a few shots of old people trying to grind, it becomes clear that this is just a show. The real DIRTY DANCE will always be located in the deep, dark woods. (Notice, too, how the Owner asks "Do we have sheet music for this stuff?"-- already trying to contain the dance plague.)<br />
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I like to think that Baby and Castle will run off in his old car and continue reeking havoc in all the surrounding mountain towns, rubbing their genitals on each other and everything that comes their way, infecting the world with DIRTY DANCE, hoping to drag them into the fest of sickness and drama of art.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-65043396290000580752011-11-10T06:51:00.001-05:002011-11-10T06:51:25.954-05:00Fire, Secret Life of <p class='bloggerplus_image_section'><div class='bloggerplus_image_section' align='left' ><img src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilo8qnLryFuj9es1_GlX30fYJ6P0EVy1cLNUSGPgjBIZ3dfgCS6trSyeDXtov7Ce8EzBkaOrBfvuzYT-OSghzc0DU5AQvJpRYhLhZhKYC8Wukg7HGsIqMmVVREImR5D3vDfzNL4jgZBUc/' ></img></div></p><p class='bloggerplus_text_section' align='left'>The Peace Lily is a tame plant, but let's look at some plants which would kill you as soon as provide you air to breath. <br><br>The first plant which is a killer plant is the human. Its eyes are tell that it is looking at you. Its ears a sign that it is hearing you. Its teeth a clear indication that it means to eat you, alive if possible, dead if all that's available. <br><br>The human grows from a fetus into an adult and is deadly throughout the whole maturation process. Some say that a mature human is the deadliest. Those who say that are lucky to be alive. <br><br>The deadliest human is the fire human. The stage of growth in-between being unborn and just after learning to walk. This time can be determined most accurately by reciting the words, "I call on Rathgar! The mighty destroyer!" if there is a burning noise followed by a giggling noise followed by a poop smell, then it is a fire human most assuredly a cannibal. <br><br>Run. <br><br>Another deadly plant is the Peace Lily, but that's for next week. <br><br>Until then, don't forget to be a daisy. </p>DeWitthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06283916507703126733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-42570320101095899892011-10-13T14:06:00.008-04:002011-11-26T18:58:45.517-05:00LolccupiersNothing like Fall Break to bring out the armchair activist / animal photoshopper...<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk1BDcpZMx8RRqACQl8OTtBcNS9ssfKnJHYRuk-amxZUk5NNg8fqnYe28naMqmMOTfJRlNTKXaQNIiclspQnfHNrYbFOm6qoGlrai0nNoe_eHlLmHzydypP64SLCVhNPBMkFkncINs8ao/s1600/small+dogs.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 241px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk1BDcpZMx8RRqACQl8OTtBcNS9ssfKnJHYRuk-amxZUk5NNg8fqnYe28naMqmMOTfJRlNTKXaQNIiclspQnfHNrYbFOm6qoGlrai0nNoe_eHlLmHzydypP64SLCVhNPBMkFkncINs8ao/s320/small+dogs.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5663040072637756946" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDtBSEEVA0ucQoGJfRq1j6sngxHv3L_WgvZQJiMbQL2q6KWkZJkPX0VwLgE-DTQCr5q_RActQuAv32VgtDiyqLMopASM5Aj1xRhmfHl0Y-gDBkdfwyuix2s-x8wHEmYrD5YYnVLMt8d2Q/s1600/chaise+art+3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDtBSEEVA0ucQoGJfRq1j6sngxHv3L_WgvZQJiMbQL2q6KWkZJkPX0VwLgE-DTQCr5q_RActQuAv32VgtDiyqLMopASM5Aj1xRhmfHl0Y-gDBkdfwyuix2s-x8wHEmYrD5YYnVLMt8d2Q/s320/chaise+art+3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5674159361072230786" border="0" /></a>SK-Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14314727212368698509noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-90858928844727443062011-07-20T14:20:00.008-04:002011-07-20T15:48:58.653-04:00Interview With Jenn Nunes<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.pankmagazine.com/strip/"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Rwbkij_uT7W8rFoWMCmrKUes6LrNODASsySz-IrwyAGBPXqqzA0832wqx3Hde0Ltf7z5X8B9iwXB7U-4i_tkb270NorU1yedDgEVWsTIIbAg__EI6vWqgx44DHZQh7-So_CKKRjV7VI/s200/STRIP.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5631504113519017762" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Enter, View,<a href="http://www.pankmagazine.com/strip/"> STRIP</a></span></span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">by Jenn Marie Nunes<br /><br /></div>STRIP is a new book of poetry out by Jenn Nunes, it’s available for free download at <a href="http://www.pankmagazine.com/strip/">PANK</a>.<br /><br />I’ve read STRIP, maybe three times. The first time straight through, then I’ve read over it in a non-linear fashion like two times worth.<br /><br />This book is great. It has many permutations of sex: sexy sex, gritty sex, dirty sex, clean sex, unsexy sex, regrettable sex, laudable sex, landscape. It has fantastical creatures: Dragons, Unicorns! It has Las Vegas and Houston in it. Jenn’s thoughts on cities is awesome, always.<br /><br />It’s also just a tight collection of some badass poetry. I would classify it as generative poetry rather than consumptive poetry. The quick playful language, the turns, the narrowing and widening scope of vision give me that itch to write as much as read it--one of those books that the desire to finish it is as much due to entertainment as a need to explore these ideas on your own. A writer’s writer? Maybe. A writer writers should read? Definitely.<br /><br />Here’s an excerpt and then the interview:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">From page 31</span>:<br /><blockquote>When I was younger I went through a period<br />of terror at the thought of getting into a car.<br />I used to imagine what was really happening<br />to our bodies<br />leaned back legs splay hands pushed<br />away from our chests hurtling along the road<br />at 90 mph. I would picture<br />our soft bodies zipping along<br />positioned carelessly like dolls fallen<br />out of favor. Our hair perfectly motionless<br />our faces dull as mother’s casual dinner plates<br />toes curved to the pedal like Barbie’s high-heeled feet. The world<br />its wooden trees concrete divisions small<br />furry animals with teeth. There’s a lot to be said<br />for cars their metal & plastic casings<br />power steering & the names we give them<br />how they help us forget both that we could die<br />& that currently we’re still alive.</blockquote><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Enter, View, STRIP<br /><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-weight: bold;">Q1) What is the most important and least important aspect of this book? or what could and what couldn't be removed from this book?</div><blockquote>Ask me this question again in 5 yrs and I'll have an answer. And again in 10 yrs, 15...it'll probably be a new and exciting answer each time.</blockquote><div style="background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-weight: bold;">Q2) Where did the titles go? Did they go away for a conceptual, theoretical, emotional, or some other reason?</div><blockquote>There never were any titles, so in that sense they never went anywhere. They never were anywhere. But if you mean where did they go, as in when they didn't come in the first place, I suppose it has to do with all of those things. I started writing this as just an exercise in not writing like I usually do, and so it was less controlled and pointed in its conception. It came like one long piece, the same voice speaking, the same ideas in and out throughout. Of course, I've edited it around since then, but I still don't see it as individual poems. When I first sent it to PANK, I just sent a selection from it, and <a href="http://www.roxanegay.com/">Roxane Gay </a>told me she didn't think it was working that way...I guess she was right.<br /><br />And it does have to do with the ideas I'm working with in the book. The sense of something never ending or being never-ending - like a Moebius strip. The highway, our particularly human types of progress, the way relationships can stretch on, when they should really have become something different, because of the circumstances surrounding them. I suppose the book both felt like one long thing to me as I wrote it, and then I wanted it to feel like one long thing as the ideas in it clarified themselves.<br /></blockquote><div style="background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-weight: bold;">Q3) Some poems give the sense of being written by a dragon (pg. 27 The other thing is what’s the thing) some unicorns (pg. 23 Someday there is no difference). Does that change in spirit reflect the time-frame of the writing or an intent of the author?</div><blockquote>It may partially reflect the time-frame of the writing - I had written a number of the pages in here well before the road trip frame occurred to me as a way to organize the different things I wanted to say. So some of the road trip writing may well feel more different. But it's also intentional in the sense that both the author and the speaker feel conflicted about the things going on in here, and they are both aware of that.</blockquote><div style="background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-weight: bold;">Q4) Many poems discuss directly or indirectly identity/gender. Do you feel the use of these shamanic or zodiac-ish spirit animals is a better way of representing the anima/animus gender duality?</div><blockquote>Better than simply speaking in human terms? And what do you mean "better"? Maybe so, just in that it's another way to talk about or think about or describe such a duality, which creates a broader space to explore identity/gender, which is what those things need. But to be honest, I wasn't quite thinking about the dragons and unicorns in that way. I'm going to start now.</blockquote><div style="background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-weight: bold;">Q5) How important is the narrative of a road trip to this book?</div><blockquote>Like I said, it's the thing that sort of let the book come together for me - the structure or map, if you will, that the stuff I'd been writing needed to become a book and not just some stuff I'd been writing. So in that way, I'd say it's pretty important. I had also been wanting to express how I felt when I was on the road, how every city looks the same from the highway. You know. It's in there. So that's important too.</blockquote><div style="background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-weight: bold;">Q6) At the end of one poem (pg 21 & Vegas where I take a picture) you jump at the end to an "informal" interpretation of what you just said about Vegas. It's really funny as a moment of blunt redefinition. Were you thinking of the James Wright poem with the hammock and was that trope an intentional way of relooking at a city in the same way one might relook at a body or the past?</div><blockquote>I wasn't thinking about that poem specifically, but of course I am engaging with that sort of poetic trope. Nothing is static really, because no one person - no one person's perspective - is static. So we're always relooking at things - even if we don't mean too - and maybe it's helpful or interesting or fun to be reminded of it. It was an intentional move - although it came about because I wasn't sure how to end that line and I decided to see what the definition of "rich" was exactly, to see if the dictionary had any useful language for me, and there was that and it seemed to me to be the perfect way to re-imagine everything I was talking about at that point.</blockquote><div style="background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-weight: bold;">Q7) What do you think is the best and worst line in this?</div><blockquote>Yikes. Ok, I'll try:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Best</span>: Fuck you Nature<br />I've got a Master's degree.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Worst</span>: they're just an elbow in the ribs<br />just the buddy system<br /><br />The first one isn't even my line really, I stole it from a friend, which is probably why I can like it so easily. The second, I don't know. That whole TV section nags me.</blockquote><div style="background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-weight: bold;">Q8) What writer living today makes you jealous? makes you fall in love? makes you think "I'm way better than that"?</div><blockquote>The first two are easy...and I'd say they go together so here are a few of the writers (in no particular order) that I am jealously in love with: <a href="http://arianareines.tumblr.com/">Ariana Reines</a>, <a href="http://richardsiken.blogspot.com/">Richard Siken</a>, <a href="http://www.poetryfoundation.org/bio/larissa-szporluk">Larissa Szporluk</a>, <a href="http://www.wavepoetry.com/authors/31">Joshua Beckman</a>, <a href="http://english.ucdavis.edu/people/directory/jlwender">Joe Wenderoth </a>and <a href="http://www.lauramullen.biz/">Laura Mullen</a>.<br /><br />Since I'm kind of a negative person, and I'm trying really hard to be less judge-y and to be more positive, rather than answering that last one I'm now going to expand that first list to include more up-and-coming that is super new on the scene maybe don't even have a book yet poets that make me jealous and I'm all a little in love with: <a href="http://www.elimae.com/2011/04/Seamen.html">Mel Coyle</a>, <a href="http://jennifertamayo.com/">Jennifer Tamayo</a>, <a href="http://www.everyday-genius.com/2011/06/dewitt-brinson.html">DeWitt Brinson</a>, <a href="http://www.crescentcityreview.com/issue-2/kristin-sanders/">Kristin Sanders</a>, <a href="http://www.unmoveablefeast.com/">Susan Kirby-Smith</a>, <a href="http://glitterponymag.com/issue-10/poetry/Jordan-Soyka/Scrap/">Jordan Soyka </a>and <a href="http://theoffendingadam.com/author/chrisshipman/">Christopher Shipman</a>.<br /></blockquote><div style="background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-weight: bold;">Q9) What is the trans importance of this piece to you? (trans in the broad way I see it in your poetry, as transitions between identities, maturity, lovers, poetics, lines, narratives)</div><blockquote>That feels like a huge question and I'm not sure how to answer it. In terms of transitions, I was thinking about how life is nothing but transitions - the way the road never ends while you're on it. I used to think that one day I would arrive somewhere and things would be peaceful because I would have arrived, but actually one never arrives. Somehow you have to be peaceful anyway - if peaceful is something that appeals to you. On a really basic level, we more or less only exist in the moment, but the moment is always passing. We are always in transition.<br /><br />And if we exist in many layers of moments at once...<br /><br />Also thinking about Fitzgerald's quote: "The test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function." I think this may not be the test of first rate intelligence but a matter of survival. A lot of the rules or laws or mores or whathaveyou that we've (and by "we" I mostly mean American's, but also somewhat humanity in general) spent hundreds of years trying to adhere to (such as what it means to be female or male or mature or a poem) are or have been sort of falling away. We're in one of those periods where, culturally, everything is up for grabs.<br /><br />So.<br /></blockquote><div style="background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-weight: bold;">Q10) Can you recommend a sex toy?</div><blockquote>The <a href="http://www.goodvibes.com/display_product.jhtml?id=1-3-BA-0208">feeldoe</a>. Absolutely. And I would just like to note that when I googled it to check my spelling, one of the first stores that popped up is called "deepmemories." There is certainly some surprise and charm involved in finding things via the internet.</blockquote>DeWitthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06283916507703126733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-73494341130712842252011-07-19T20:40:00.003-04:002011-07-19T21:11:47.229-04:00words = the taint of the world.poets are so fucking afraid of words. how many times have we talked about our inability to get it right? to write it right. how often do we talk about this in relation to translation? (as if we owe something to someone as writers.(eh, do we?)and, in that very fear of "getting it right," we turn on words/language. we attack them. we twist and manipulate them. we send them through shredders of meaning and sound. or perhaps this is because we love words. because it is a tender thing to stroke words, or beat words, or play with words. it's about attention. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmr_6DeuWg4">recently I heard an interview with Vanessa Place were she talks about words like " </a> like "a wealth of stability." and my immediate feeling is jealous since I am not sure I believe in words. (I'm thinking of how this relates to Jordan's quote from Solomon about the intersection between meaning and sound. I agree about meaning. Overrated, perhaps, but I'm always to touched/tricked by it.) <br /><br />i think something of what jordan is talking about in his recent posts have to do with authenticity in/and autobiography. I read the poem about trauma and i wonder if the reason he fucks with it, distorts it by sending into a machine is because of a distrust in words. like, i can't get it right. or, i don't want to get it right. or what if I can get it right? will the moment re-materialize, somehow? <br /><br />the moment needs to be fucked with. <br /><br />words traumatize reality. <br /><br />i'm okay saying that. <br /><br /><br />but often there's also the tendency to not want to write about something that has happened to me because I don't want it fucked with. i'm thinking of all of those studies on how the telling and retelling of a story changes the story itself, and changes the way it is stored in the brain and remembered. like the telling of something, the uttering changes our perception of it. words, literally, a violence on the reality of something. and it doubles on itself. once it's put into words-- the violence is unstoppable. yes, reality should probably read "reality" but, for now...<br /><br />so- this makes me stay quiet about certain things. but then more fear about that too. silence another kind of violence.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-40527427959889941842011-07-19T19:05:00.011-04:002011-07-19T20:04:00.170-04:00TELL*IF*OWN pt. 2--KNOCKING ON THE DUMMY'S HEAD<a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51AVBHD1WTL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51AVBHD1WTL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4pQ1tm6Eo_5Tymh11DskOM_-aAetPXJG7fSaWjKw1j8kgdjB2qb0_qVtlcxMkb_-lTXVGj2KJ99jAoQJ2ArbGfZHrxCbZ3MlCG-uhQil8oAsEltz1bcFFno3TiOdP-gpEVwR397Sl/s1600/RITUAL.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"></a></span></span><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">My only goal was to ape Frank O’Hara when I started writing. Maybe toss in a little Kenneth Koch. There was inertia to the New York School; I thought their breeziness could speak through me the way the skyscrapers, subways, and galleries spoke through them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <!--EndFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Then I got depressed during the end of college, and my writing fell apart. My attempts to echo O’Hara sounded hollow and out of sync, a bad ventriloquist act. Instead, I gravitated to the Language poets. I was angry at poetry, and I liked watching them eviscerate it. They’d crack open the dummy’s head—see? hollow—and go on with the performance anyway. I had a hard time with that second part.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">This brings me back to the Laura Solomon quote I referenced in my last post: "sounds don't need words to have meaning but words need sounds / I mean I love meaning but I hate words I like sounds.” When I started reading the Language poets, I hated words too. And meaning. But both obsessed me. Some part of me felt I needed to pry meaning from words. I don’t know why. There was some freedom in that thought.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I’d jumble words on my computer for hours, hoping they’d dissolve, the way something blurs as you stare at it. But words always make sense when you line them up, even if the logic is disjointed. I’d blink, and meaning snapped into sharp focus.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">***</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Last week, DeWitt Brinson and I were discussing Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. DeWitt was talking about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, in which the person is exposed to whatever causes their anxiety (“the dreaded event” according to the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">DSM IV</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">) for prolonged periods. This, he said, “teach[es] the brain that the anxiety will subside on its own rather than needing to resort to a ‘ritual’.”</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">What rituals, what crutches, were DeWitt and I relying on to write? And how could we deprive ourselves of them? I mentioned a poem I’d just read from Ben Lerner’s </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Angle of Yaw</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">:</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">"A person is phobic, that is, mentally imbalanced, when his fears fail to cancel out his other fears. The healthy, too, are terrified of heights, but equally terrified of depths, as terrified of dark as light, open spaces as closed. The phobic are overbold, not overly apprehensive, and must be conditioned to fear the opposite of what they fear. The difficulty of such a treatment lies in finding the counterbalancing terror. What is the opposite of a marketplace? A prime number? Blood? A spider?"</span></span></blockquote><p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">My fears, primarily, are sentimentality and inspiration. I see both as a trap. Sentimentality is a symptom of being buried too far in your own hole, an inability to weigh your own problems against those of the world. I fear inspiration (I call it "The Lightbulb Voice") because I don’t want to believe in it; if it’s real, how can you avoid dependence? Moreover, it implies some force exists outside us. A force that can shut us out. </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I use theft in my writing to neutralize those fears, to defy inspiration and collage over sentimentality. It reassures me; I knock on the dummy’s head—see? hollow. </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">***</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">My GoogleVoice experiment made me really anxious. So I had to try it again.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I’m not quite sure where I’m going with the experiment, but it seems to channel some of what DeWitt and I talked about. In writing about past traumas, I'm confronting my fears of sentimentality, melodrama etc. The two poems I wrote are the most overtly autobiographical thing I’ve written in years. I hate them. But the fact that it churns my stomach means something. I think.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I wrote a new poem about a past trauma and, once again, locked myself in the bathroom. I turned on the faucet. I called my GoogleSelf and waited for it to go to voicemail. Then I read the script. I hung up. Dialed again. Read it a second time, with more confidence. And again. The third time, I read it fast. All in one breath.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I waited. When I checked GoogleVoice, ten minutes later, there were three different “translations” of my poems:</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">[I should note, again, that GoogleVoice transcripts are in shades of grey, the darkness representing Google's confidence in its transcription.]</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><!--StartFragment--> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"></span></span></p><blockquote><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">"I </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">remember</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">chrome</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> room for </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">changed</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">on</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">sideline</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">next</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">were.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">didn't</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> know </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">what</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">else</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> to do. I can't remember </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">which</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">side</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">of</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">her</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">later</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">on</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">when</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">she</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">cried</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">to</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> show </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">up.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">never</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">saw</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">anyone</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">crowd</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">like</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> that. </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">If</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">you</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> can shake </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">it</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">was</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">an</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> empty </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">nester</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">a</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">crunch</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">rattled</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">it</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">was</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">were</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">some</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">she</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> didn't </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">cry.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">It</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> was nothing I can't </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">remember</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">which</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">arrive</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">late</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">and</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> I can't remember </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">if</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">her</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> eyes were closed </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">or</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> staring. The </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Walter,</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">bright</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> yellow, </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Gaudy.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">There</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">were</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">on</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">cracks.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Color</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">would</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> like to </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">talk</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">to</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> shade. I think </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">now</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">broken</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">or</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> night. </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Maybe</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">even</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">but</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">will</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> turn black for us."<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">"I </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">remember</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">crawled</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">in</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> the room </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">for</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">days</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">shaped</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> I'd like next door. I didn't know what else to do. I can't remember which, </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Sat</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">or</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">lay</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">down.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">G</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">graduation.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> never saw anyone </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">crying</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> like </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">that</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">in</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">shake.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> There's an </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">empty</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">nester</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">a</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">crime</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">she</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">rattled</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> it was worse </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">when</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> she didn't </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">cry.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">It's</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">not</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">that</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> can't remember which </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">side</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">of</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">arrive</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> late </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">and</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> can't remember </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">for</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">either</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">closed</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">or</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> stand the walls are bright yellow </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">body</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">but</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> they were on the cracks a </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">call.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> would like </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">to</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">run</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">through</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">shave.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> think </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">you</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">know.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Rodenberg</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">tonight</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">me</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">if</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">you</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">can</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> go </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">in</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> black for us."</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(85, 85, 85); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">"I</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">remember</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">her</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">cold</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">in</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> the room </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">per</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">day</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">shades.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Ron</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">had</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">like</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Next, </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> didn't know what else to do. I can't remember which side of around </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">later</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">but</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> she </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">cried.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Sheesh</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">up.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> I never saw anyone </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">crye-leike</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">that</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">she</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">didn't</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">shake.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">There's</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">an</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> empty nester </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">were</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">client</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">you've</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">rattled</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">those</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">words.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">And</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">you</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">didn't.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> It was nothing I </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">can't</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> remember which </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">is</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">out</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">of</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">her</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">late</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">and</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> can't remember </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">for</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">eyes</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">were</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">closed</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">at</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">staring</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">walls</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">are</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> bright yellow </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">gaudy,</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">but</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">they're</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">on</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">cracks</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">a</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">problem</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> with </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#555555;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">light</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> shone through </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> shape. I think now </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">broken,</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">burnt.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Tonight</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">makes</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">even</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Coulter</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="color:#888888;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Black</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> for."</span></span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"></span></span></p><blockquote></blockquote><!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I’m less certain where the GoogleVoice “translations” come in. DeWitt and I wanted to deprive ourselves of ritual. I wasn’t using theft anymore, but it felt like I swapped one ritual for another. A new way to neutralize my anxiety. Except for a few damning words, the translation has effectively mangled my poem out of shape. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">But it’s those few words I come back to. And I keep trying the experiment to see which words will remain. Even after disemboweling the overall context and meaning of what I wrote, those words still haunt it defiantly.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Like I stopped talking, but the dummy didn’t.</span></span></p> <!--EndFragment--> <p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"></span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style:italic"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <!--EndFragment--> </span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"></span></span></p> <!--EndFragment--> <p></p> <!--EndFragment--> </div>Jordan Soykahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03354247460475379038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-5714777209156802011-07-18T18:33:00.003-04:002011-07-18T18:51:42.355-04:00TELL*IF*OWN<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmTsFt7VH8r3aIx0U5it2U9ajf-LRBu6YS2W6nHVG6yAuoTo0m64rfgZ48-sxVnHLWOIPKFXOOvr4QOTDQDg7wZ3gmuEyBN3DVPkmHnt2_nL8vbMdASlZ0JOZyBzO0N76Cnq7uRXcp/s1600/typewriter.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 294px; height: 202px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmTsFt7VH8r3aIx0U5it2U9ajf-LRBu6YS2W6nHVG6yAuoTo0m64rfgZ48-sxVnHLWOIPKFXOOvr4QOTDQDg7wZ3gmuEyBN3DVPkmHnt2_nL8vbMdASlZ0JOZyBzO0N76Cnq7uRXcp/s400/typewriter.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5630825500682546050" /></a><br /><!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;">I was thinking a lot about translation the other day. I couldn’t think of anything new to write, so I ran the same poem through BabelFish over and over until it had traveled the globe. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Arial;font-size:17px;">I also recently signed up for Google Voice because I had a phone interview coming up, and I thought it may be a more stable option than my shitty cell phone.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Arial;font-size:17px;">One of the main features of Google Voice is that it transcribes your voicemails. This reminded me of a line I had read in Laura Solomon’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">The Hermit</i> (which I’m hoping to review soon): "sounds don't need words to have meaning but words need sounds / I mean I love meaning but I hate words I like sounds.” Again, this reminded me of translation (homophonic translation), though there was something more accidental about this. I thought, why not take the game "telephone" to its logical, digital conclusion?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Arial;font-size:17px;">So I called my GoogleSelf and left myself a voicemail. I read three poems from DeWitt Brinson, which were part of an ongoing collaboration between us, got the transcriptions, and sent them to DeWitt who, I think, liked them.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Arial;font-size:17px;">I began getting obsessed. I called my GoogleSelf again and again, leaving messages that were other people’s poems, Karl Popper, and, of course, the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">DSM IV</i>. Here’s the GoogleVoice “translation” of the DSM entry for Obseessive Compulsive Disorder:</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Arial;font-size:17px;">(note: GoogleVoice transcribes in shades of grey, the darkness of the text indicating how confident Google is in its own transcription)</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Arial;font-size:17px;"> <!--StartFragment--> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;"></span></p><p></p><blockquote><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Arial;font-size:17px;"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;">Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;color:#888888;">any</span><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;"> <span style="color:#888888;">other</span> <span style="color:#888888;">sessions</span> <span style="color:#888888;">are</span> <span style="color:#888888;">compulsion</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;color:#888888;">obsession,</span><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;"> <span style="color:#888888;">as</span> <span style="color:#555555;">defined</span> <span style="color:#555555;">by</span> <span style="color:#555555;">at</span> 123 and <span style="color:#555555;">4</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;color:#555555;">1.</span><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;"> <span style="color:#555555;">The</span> content persistent <span style="color:#888888;">thought</span> <span style="color:#555555;">imposes</span> <span style="color:#888888;">are</span> images <span style="color:#888888;">that</span> <span style="color:#888888;">are</span> <span style="color:#555555;">experience</span> at sometime during the <span style="color:#888888;">disturbed</span> <span style="color:#888888;">as</span> <span style="color:#888888;">intrusive</span> and inappropriate and <span style="color:#555555;">I</span> <span style="color:#555555;">called</span> <span style="color:#888888;">Mark</span> <span style="color:#888888;">anxiety</span> <span style="color:#888888;">or</span> distress. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;color:#888888;">2.</span><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;"> The <span style="color:#888888;">box</span> <span style="color:#888888;">imposed</span> <span style="color:#888888;">under</span> <span style="color:#888888;">images</span> are <span style="color:#888888;">possibly</span> <span style="color:#888888;">excessive</span> <span style="color:#888888;">worries</span> about real life problems. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;">3 <span style="color:#555555;">The</span> <span style="color:#555555;">person</span> <span style="color:#888888;">attempts</span> <span style="color:#888888;">to</span> <span style="color:#888888;">ignore</span> <span style="color:#888888;">suppressed</span> <span style="color:#888888;">such</span> <span style="color:#888888;">imposes</span> <span style="color:#888888;">or</span> images <span style="color:#888888;">hoarded</span> <span style="color:#555555;">neutralize</span> them, with some other <span style="color:#888888;">thought,</span> <span style="color:#888888;">or</span> action. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;color:#888888;">4.</span><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;"> <span style="color:#555555;">The</span> person <span style="color:#888888;">recognizes</span> <span style="color:#555555;">that</span> the <span style="color:#888888;">up</span> <span style="color:#888888;">session</span> <span style="color:#888888;">o'clock</span> <span style="color:#888888;">imposes</span> <span style="color:#888888;">are</span> images <span style="color:#888888;">our</span> <span style="color:#555555;">product</span> <span style="color:#888888;">of</span> <span style="color:#888888;">his</span> <span style="color:#555555;">or</span> her own mind. Not <span style="color:#888888;">imposed</span> from without <span style="color:#555555;">and</span> <span style="color:#888888;">thought</span> <span style="color:#555555;">exertion.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">compulsion <span style="color:#888888;">that</span> <span style="color:#888888;">the</span> <span style="color:#888888;">fine</span> <span style="color:#888888;">bought</span> <span style="color:#888888;">one</span> and two</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;color:#555555;">1</span><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;"> repetitive behaviors. E G <span style="color:#555555;">handwashing</span> <span style="color:#555555;">ordering</span> <span style="color:#555555;">checking</span> <span style="color:#888888;">or</span> <span style="color:#888888;">mental.</span> <span style="color:#888888;">X.</span> E. G. <span style="color:#888888;">Crane</span> <span style="color:#888888;">come</span> <span style="color:#888888;">team.</span> <span style="color:#888888;">He</span> <span style="color:#555555;">didn't</span> <span style="color:#555555;">work</span> <span style="color:#888888;">so</span> I <span style="color:#888888;">will</span> <span style="color:#888888;">let</span> <span style="color:#888888;">the</span> person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession, or according to the <span style="color:#888888;">rules</span> that must be <span style="color:#555555;">applied.</span> <span style="color:#888888;">Originally</span> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;color:#555555;">2</span><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;"> <span style="color:#888888;">behaviors</span> <span style="color:#888888;">or</span> mental <span style="color:#555555;">acts</span> <span style="color:#555555;">are</span> aimed at preventing or reducing stress or <span style="color:#555555;">preventing</span> <span style="color:#888888;">some</span> <span style="color:#888888;">dreaded</span> <span style="color:#888888;">event</span> <span style="color:#888888;">4</span> <span style="color:#555555;">situation.</span> However, these behaviors or mental acts <span style="color:#555555;">either</span> are not connected in <span style="color:#555555;">a</span> <span style="color:#555555;">realistically</span> <span style="color:#888888;">with</span> <span style="color:#555555;">what</span> <span style="color:#555555;">they</span> <span style="color:#555555;">are</span> <span style="color:#888888;">designed</span> to <span style="color:#555555;">neutralize</span> <span style="color:#888888;">the</span> <span style="color:#888888;">prevent</span> <span style="color:#555555;">or</span> <span style="color:#555555;">clearly</span> excessive.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;color:#888888;">Be</span><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;"> at some point during the course of the <span style="color:#555555;">disorder.</span> <span style="color:#888888;">The</span> person and <span style="color:#555555;">recognize</span> <span style="color:#888888;">that</span> <span style="color:#555555;">the</span> <span style="color:#888888;">obsessions</span> <span style="color:#888888;">are</span> <span style="color:#888888;">awesome</span> <span style="color:#888888;">dark</span> <span style="color:#888888;">festival</span> <span style="color:#888888;">unreasonable.</span> <span style="color:#888888;">Note</span> <span style="color:#555555;">this</span> is not <span style="color:#888888;">as</span> <span style="color:#888888;">like</span> <span style="color:#888888;">the</span> <span style="color:#555555;">children</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">C. <span style="color:#888888;">If</span> <span style="color:#555555;">sessions</span> <span style="color:#888888;">are</span> <span style="color:#888888;">compulsion</span> <span style="color:#888888;">cause</span> <span style="color:#555555;">marked</span> distress, <span style="color:#888888;">our</span> time consuming take more than one hour day <span style="color:#888888;">significantly</span> interfere with the <span style="color:#888888;">person's</span> <span style="color:#555555;">normal</span> routine. Occupational or <span style="color:#555555;">academic</span> <span style="color:#888888;">functioning</span> <span style="color:#555555;">or</span> <span style="color:#888888;">usual</span> social activities <span style="color:#888888;">or</span> <span style="color:#555555;">relationships,</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">D <span style="color:#888888;">if</span> <span style="color:#555555;">another</span> <span style="color:#888888;">access</span> <span style="color:#888888;">one</span> <span style="color:#888888;">disorders</span> <span style="color:#888888;">present</span> the <span style="color:#555555;">content</span> of the obsessions a compulsion <span style="color:#555555;">not</span> restricted to <span style="color:#888888;">a</span> <span style="color:#555555;">E</span> G <span style="color:#555555;">preoccupation</span> with <span style="color:#888888;">moving</span> <span style="color:#888888;">the</span> <span style="color:#555555;">presence</span> <span style="color:#555555;">of</span> <span style="color:#888888;">eating</span> <span style="color:#555555;">disorder</span> <span style="color:#555555;">hair</span> pulling in the presence <span style="color:#555555;">trip</span> <span style="color:#888888;">to</span> <span style="color:#888888;">Jewel</span> <span style="color:#888888;">mania.</span> <span style="color:#888888;">Concerned,</span> <span style="color:#888888;">with</span> <span style="color:#888888;">experience</span> <span style="color:#888888;">in</span> the <span style="color:#888888;">presence</span> <span style="color:#888888;">of</span> <span style="color:#555555;">Bobby</span> <span style="color:#555555;">this</span> <span style="color:#555555;">more</span> <span style="color:#555555;">pics</span> disorder, <span style="color:#555555;">preoccupation</span> with <span style="color:#888888;">drugs</span> <span style="color:#888888;">in</span> the <span style="color:#888888;">presence</span> <span style="color:#888888;">of</span> <span style="color:#555555;">the</span> <span style="color:#555555;">substance</span> <span style="color:#888888;">abuse</span> <span style="color:#888888;">this</span> order, <span style="color:#555555;">preoccupation</span> with having <span style="color:#555555;">serious</span> <span style="color:#555555;">illness</span> <span style="color:#555555;">in</span> the <span style="color:#555555;">presence</span> <span style="color:#555555;">of</span> <span style="color:#888888;">hi</span> <span style="color:#555555;">book</span> Andrea, preoccupation with <span style="color:#888888;">that</span> <span style="color:#888888;">so</span> <span style="color:#888888;">urgent</span> <span style="color:#888888;">or</span> <span style="color:#888888;">fantasy</span> <span style="color:#888888;">present</span> <span style="color:#888888;">air</span> <span style="color:#888888;">Delia,</span> or guilty <span style="color:#888888;">woman</span> <span style="color:#888888;">nations</span> <span style="color:#888888;">in</span> <span style="color:#888888;">the</span> <span style="color:#888888;">presence</span> <span style="color:#888888;">of</span> <span style="color:#888888;">major</span> <span style="color:#555555;">depression</span> whatsoever.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;color:#888888;">E</span><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;"> <span style="color:#888888;">this</span> <span style="color:#555555;">is</span> <span style="color:#888888;">service</span> <span style="color:#555555;">is</span> <span style="color:#888888;">not</span> <span style="color:#888888;">due</span> <span style="color:#555555;">to</span> <span style="color:#555555;">the</span> <span style="color:#555555;">direct</span> physiological <span style="color:#888888;">festival</span> <span style="color:#555555;">Austin.</span> <span style="color:#888888;">E</span> <span style="color:#555555;">G</span> <span style="color:#888888;">Drug</span> of Abuse <span style="color:#888888;">for</span> <span style="color:#888888;">medication</span> <span style="color:#555555;">or</span> <span style="color:#555555;">general</span> medical condition.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;color:#555555;">After</span><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family:Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;"> 5 P F With <span style="color:#888888;">4</span> <span style="color:#888888;">insight</span> <span style="color:#888888;">gift</span> <span style="color:#555555;">for</span> the most part of the time during the <span style="color:#555555;">current</span> <span style="color:#555555;">episode</span> <span style="color:#888888;">the</span> person <span style="color:#888888;">does</span> not recognize that the <span style="color:#555555;">obsessions</span> <span style="color:#888888;">an</span> <span style="color:#555555;">important</span> <span style="color:#888888;">part</span> <span style="color:#555555;">got</span> that one reasonable.</span></p> <!--EndFragment--> <p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Arial;font-size:17px;">The novelty wore off, but I felt like there was still more I could wring (*ring*) out of this experience. This morning, I shut myself in the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and left myself a voicemail recounting certain traumas in my life. I was shocked at how hard it was to speak about things I thought I had pretty much dealt with. It left me shaky, like I drank six cups of coffee on an empty stomach.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria;mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;font-size:13.0pt;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Arial;font-size:17px;">I sat in front of the computer, waiting for the transcription to finish. When it did, predictably, the translation bore no resemblance to what I had said. It was a relief in a sense. Like my secret was safe. I had told someone, and when they spoke it back, they got it all wrong. But part of me felt angry. I called myself again and again with the same secret. Each time, I got gibberish in return. </span></p> <!--EndFragment-->Jordan Soykahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03354247460475379038noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-34787842719019970732011-07-18T15:05:00.008-04:002011-07-18T18:56:31.794-04:00shiver shiver<div style="text-align: center;"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 125px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijPry2Vzz1ReSBQt3cvNqpAdiRoXHR3P7N1ie4UumPgvauRS9cYlAqkDdW9Q5l4tqyZ_A5mUFCs9LGdNnDbiGxRehqzBfJjrNagY_65YGENGxrhBvTDXFfewmFU3Kzry4a4V0C_tz3/s200/shiver.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5630777096557111314" /><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijPry2Vzz1ReSBQt3cvNqpAdiRoXHR3P7N1ie4UumPgvauRS9cYlAqkDdW9Q5l4tqyZ_A5mUFCs9LGdNnDbiGxRehqzBfJjrNagY_65YGENGxrhBvTDXFfewmFU3Kzry4a4V0C_tz3/s200/shiver.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5630777096557111314" style="cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 125px; " /></div><div style="text-align: center;"> <img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 125px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj37xM-dI7R8M8BIogTB3ePPKcShbAK7fr4LOTSUXETTnL3NG-MIyv_goYH5i8MDxtmePJvA3JVioiOVymSHJt1c8Pn8M0fqKzsaBn8FLaymE6XuJzeLW8l_jXP-D38-h6jSlZFnSf4/s200/empty.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5630777081230149874" /><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 125px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyGUoXIVhMaSzgMbed03Entd9GDxY0y7ju7uvCSFagder4umgdQLw_P0KnHOtm-usWvtyMI1TcK7PeWf6DFmx1jPPigRiBXRAGUR8DIJKkYddMEBp5tgev_DDzpsNRXygUPwvDy1rC/s200/held.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5630777090169450578" /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoZjFNUEzb5mtqMjmCZG5-IgstomuwT2PwZNrBPVJFlfAXO4ZvUikzub62vTc80l7xRJ2h-ktvioE2LDyE010F1Tm_JAyBGlFJahzrCVVwhn5HirW57H5ujdgVuf0pMTRBBpNWeakY/s1600/is.png" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 125px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoZjFNUEzb5mtqMjmCZG5-IgstomuwT2PwZNrBPVJFlfAXO4ZvUikzub62vTc80l7xRJ2h-ktvioE2LDyE010F1Tm_JAyBGlFJahzrCVVwhn5HirW57H5ujdgVuf0pMTRBBpNWeakY/s200/is.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5630777073681454162" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju5wk2TPc7_JviVB_QM10bZ9bG1SryyUBwnyyEGEyLF5R_21kIRPRE4_-37rKNGy2lWtfRftQLO6fXESHSGVgQbe06YxK_a7Dy8ifh91PydsB8RFLBhn0TQcXN3itskSaxFrGvs-s_/s1600/SPOOKY.png" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 125px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju5wk2TPc7_JviVB_QM10bZ9bG1SryyUBwnyyEGEyLF5R_21kIRPRE4_-37rKNGy2lWtfRftQLO6fXESHSGVgQbe06YxK_a7Dy8ifh91PydsB8RFLBhn0TQcXN3itskSaxFrGvs-s_/s200/SPOOKY.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5630777071621994962" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">(made with<a href="http://thecolorof.com/#find"> "The Color Of..." </a>)</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><br /></span></span></div>Jordan Soykahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03354247460475379038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-22676917505992091682011-07-02T14:41:00.004-04:002011-07-02T15:09:50.309-04:00Judge Me By My OutputterEveryone loves me now<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1YWb_niTPLEVTEP4ChtbHGJGchJa4VTVms-9c2pn6_Y6VqblKdYuW-MCSmS1cxG_JtJ9lbZ0z4VpfB4IZ6OBwkbf0CZGt-XtP6yLYpAwlHtlFfeT2NExam7vZJs3V1oJSXFL6e7-cuGk/s1600/tiny_demon.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 134px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1YWb_niTPLEVTEP4ChtbHGJGchJa4VTVms-9c2pn6_Y6VqblKdYuW-MCSmS1cxG_JtJ9lbZ0z4VpfB4IZ6OBwkbf0CZGt-XtP6yLYpAwlHtlFfeT2NExam7vZJs3V1oJSXFL6e7-cuGk/s200/tiny_demon.jpg" border="0" alt="tiny demon"id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5624830902324087778" /></a><br />but what about after<br />when my snout is wrinkle worn<br />and my sphincter is open all day<br />dragging the ground<br />mucking up the tiny love<br />hole the Monkees crawled out<br />with their fine hit songs<br /><br />Nevermind why I love you<br /><br />I rub my jelly all<br />over his cold davy jones<br /><br />Now he's yawping like crazy<br /><br />Chew on that<br />you old sorry fat<br />know-it-all<br /><br />This is a letter to myself<br />if I ever grow old or start dieing<br /><br />Never forget this day<br />reeked with old sphincters<br /><br />Davey Jones born Dec. 30, 1945 (65 years old)<br />Michael Nesmith born Dec. 30, 1947 (63 years old)<br />Peter Tork born February 13, 1942 (69 years old)<br />Micky Dolenz born March 8, 1945 (66 years old)DeWitthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06283916507703126733noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-73441499134157290212011-06-30T18:47:00.001-04:002011-06-30T19:02:46.461-04:00A Piddling Distinction That May Nonetheless Be Useful<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">We should, perhaps, stop talking about “hybrid” texts. “Hybrid” implies things being linked in such a way that their parts are traceable, if not functionally distinct. A hybrid car can run on gas OR electricity. It’s a term that looks backwards, towards its differing origins--a mule is a combination of a horse and a donkey. We know this. And if we didn’t, we could figure it out.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I propose that we speak, instead, of “mongrel” texts. “Mongrel” focuses on the indefinable ancestry of the piece. It forces us to grapple with what is before us, instead of tracing neat lines toward what preceded it.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Finally, the term “hybrid” not only looks towards the past—it sees no future. Hybrids are sterile; the mule cannot reproduce. The mongrel is only the beginning.</p> <!--EndFragment-->Jordan Soykahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03354247460475379038noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-89989356932173501712011-06-30T18:01:00.001-04:002011-06-30T18:03:18.102-04:00Intersections, Tangents, Asymptotes, and Parallels<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:LucidaGrande">routine/ritual, the here and the there, otherworldly, looking looking looking for something, the difference between observing and searching, between passive vessel and can someone actively engage in compulsion, is one possessed, or, worse still, an automaton, to align inner and outer worlds, a sphere of order and symmetry to ward off death or to ward off life, repeating again and again, scientific method or skipping record, narration or still life, if one is always absorbing, creation is regurgitation, rapture and the Pavlovian response, symptoms vs. side effects, the always reaching, tapering, falling away, the bell curve and the dismissed outliers, any two points defining a line, intersections, tangents, asymptotes, and parallels, oracles & extrapolations, syllogisms & boxes, windows & windows & windows & windows, inspired, infected, narration as prognosis, prognosis as manifesto, manifesto as order, order as disorder, fracture forgetting and i think i misspoke, read stage directions as monologue, because picking a scab is something to do, a confusion of cause and effect<o:p></o:p></span></p> <!--EndFragment-->Jordan Soykahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03354247460475379038noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-90217859853808874012011-06-23T18:51:00.002-04:002011-06-23T19:28:26.797-04:00Routine, Ritual, and Robots<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">Professor Hallisey stood before the student, arm outstretched. The student immediately raised his arm, clasped the professor’s hand, and shook it. This, the professor explained, was magic.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>In Confucianism, he went on, "ritual" does not have the same religious overtone as in the West—it generally refers to daily routines—but is, nonetheless, magical. If one has a proper understanding of a given ritual, as well as the correct intentions/spirit (known as “Ren”) the ritual will complete itself. The handshake was just one example. Moreover, ritual has a ripple effect. In Confucius’ time, it was said that if the emperor merely sat correctly upon his throne, the kingdom would rule itself.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>In Catholicism, "ritual" has nearly the opposite meaning. To begin with, there is no "ripple effect" originating from the individual—the ritual holds no power, save to please God, and any consequences thereafter emanate from Him. More importantly, one’s intentions don’t factor in; the importance of the ritual lies only in its external performance. Indeed, historically, you could pay others to do your praying for you.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>In Catholicism, then, it seems that the perfect ritual would be perfectly executed and endlessly reproducible. It would be robotic. And, in fact, such a robot exists.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>On a recent <a href="http://www.radiolab.org/blogs/radiolab-blog/2011/jun/14/clockwork-miracle/">Radiolab podcas</a>t, they covered the following story (I’m reducing it to the barest summary): in 1652, King Philip II’s son was badly injured; the King promised God that if He performed a miracle by saving Philip’s son, Philip would perform a miracle for Him. Philip’s son recovered, and to show his thanks, King Philip commissioned a renowned clockmaker to create a tiny robotic version of a long-dead monk who supposedly had the power to heal the sick.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><iframe width="425" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Ycyj76VPOtc?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p><p class="MsoNormal">The robot is ghostly. Tiny feet poke out from its frock as it walks about, raising and lowering a crucifix, its mouth silently opening and closing. Scholars have speculated about why King Philip commissioned the “monkbot,” but the consensus seems to be that he wanted to create a sort of 'prayer machine' to pay eternal tribute to God.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">What, then, is the line between routine and ritual? In Confucianism, assuming one has the proper intentions/spirit, routine is elevated to ritual, and one’s daily life could become a series of magical acts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I immediately wonder if those who suffer from OCD would be considered to have improper "Ren," or if they would be like Mickey Mouse in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Fantasia</i>, the magician caught in the feedback loop of his own powers. In Catholicism, it’s more complicated. While I don’t mean to imply that Catholics believe that one cannot honor God through daily routine, there is a rift between the secular world and the world of ritual—no matter how much I strive to make the act meaningful, I cannot consecrate the Eucharist by shaving (though it may be worth a try).</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As a final note, I’d like to discuss “<a href="http://www.jabberwacky.com/">Jaberwacky</a>”. Jabberwacky is a chatbot, an artificial intelligence program that not only responds to you, but actually <i>learns from what you say</i>. It seemed like an interesting venue to meld the Confucian idea of ritual as human interaction versus the Catholic idea of ritual as a merely external performance. Here is a short excerpt (it went on for much longer) from my conversation with Jabberwacky:</p><p class="MsoNormal"><!--StartFragment--> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;color:#E26C21;">User: </span><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;">Do you forgive me?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;color:#EDAB43;">Jabberwacky: </span><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;">Yes. It's not your fault at all, don't worry.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;"></span><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;color:#E26C21;">User: </span><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;">Do you forgive me?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;"></span><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;color:#EDAB43;">Jabberwacky: </span><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;">Yes. You are forgiven.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;color:#E26C21;">User: </span><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;">Do you forgive me?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;color:#EDAB43;">Jabberwacky: </span><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;">Yes, do you forgive me?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;color:#E26C21;">User: </span><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;">Do you forgive me?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;"></span><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;color:#EDAB43;">Jabberwacky: </span><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;">I forgive you for being mean to me.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;color:#E26C21;">User: </span><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;">Do you forgive me?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;color:#EDAB43;">Jabberwacky: </span><span style=" font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;">Do you forgive me?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style=" font-family:Times;mso-bidi-font-family:Times;font-size:16.0pt;"><br /></span></p> <!--EndFragment--> <p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Jordan Soykahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03354247460475379038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-52412489857182949732011-06-23T18:50:00.000-04:002011-06-23T18:51:30.742-04:00Symmetry<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">Why is symmetry beautiful? It is comprehensible. That which is symmetrical is necessarily contained and can, therefore, be contained. Objectified. It is static; it is dead. Or at least not living. What is the line between death and still-life?</p> <!--EndFragment-->Jordan Soykahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03354247460475379038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-59049367291985102452011-05-09T08:35:00.005-04:002011-05-09T09:36:37.917-04:00RED LETTER {X}[red missed aches] asks a question about the interplay between image and caption. and how the space between them is a holding lodge for RED LETTER {X}. as in X, XX, XXX, the eyes of the dead. the mark of the incorrect, crux & cross, etc. but red. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=662664388120&comments">here is the glow of RED LETTER {X}.</a><br /><br />RED LETTER {X} is where caption sutured image and found pleasure, but virtually.<br />RED LETTER {X} is the shut eye of a "luminous genitalia"<br />RED LETTER {X} simultaneously guides and repels-- the way reading poetry, reading anything at all signals outward and inward. forces the body to look there {X} but not really there at all,meaning is virtual.<br />RED LETTER {X} is "obvious, banal, repeated a thousand times, yet almost always silent"<br /><a href="http://delirioushem.blogspot.com/2011/05/n-o-bikini.html">RED LETTER {X} is like Kate Durbin's O</a><br /><br />in the future, our genitals will be larger and incandescent. the light like RED LETTER {X}, but virtual. <br />in the future, our young will be born rays of light and be fed directly into the TV.<br />our bodies will secrete text spontaneously, but virtually.<br />everything clinging to RED LETTER {X} like the seeming inter-phase between meaning and pleasure. <br /><br /><br />----<br /><br /><br />--Bhanu Kapil on Camille Roy's <span style="font-style:italic;">Sherwood Forest</span><br />--Foucault's <span style="font-style:italic;">This is Not a Pipe</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-50084233546436853222011-04-11T14:39:00.003-04:002011-04-11T15:05:18.338-04:00Scary Poems<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-viiFfJfm-5CNqPPc3g6Wp_tv61DoPegzpG_vnACGS_hFcNOtY8jiU2nWNoPIp70W887RqbfxDJPS0wADf61Q6okJmzFkAtjF1TOiebCrlmY8IaEUKOsrnITFEoVGTrjiPSmM0NyQmWA/s1600/VirginiaPoe.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 256px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-viiFfJfm-5CNqPPc3g6Wp_tv61DoPegzpG_vnACGS_hFcNOtY8jiU2nWNoPIp70W887RqbfxDJPS0wADf61Q6okJmzFkAtjF1TOiebCrlmY8IaEUKOsrnITFEoVGTrjiPSmM0NyQmWA/s320/VirginiaPoe.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594404046739121314" border="0" /></a><br />Where are all the scary poems? Why are poems not scary? What did Edgar Allan Poe do to them?<br /><br />I will tell you what ol' Eddy did to scary poems. First, take off your shoes.<br /><br />Yeah, doesn't that feel nice? Bet your feet are thanking you.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">thank you! thank you!</span><br /><br />Now, take off your pants. Come on, nobody's looking. You're alone. Just you and the internet.<br /><br />Yeah, you feel free.<br /><br />Yeah, you're beautiful. Take it all off, you'll feel free. You and the internet and your body and the air in its caress and its love always surrounding you.<br /><br />Breathe in the air that hugs you. When you breathe you inhale your scent and the scent of those who've held you.<br /><br />Now your body is a poem. The light on your body is the light on a poem.<br /><br />Now forget about the rabid, dark poet trapped between your walls. Ignore his haggard breath as he churns his limited air into toxic carbon dioxide. His mad cries growing pale and soft as melted ice cream.<br /><br />Poor sweet Eddy. No one cares to hear that ol' cow bark.<br /><br />There's a new scary poem in town.<br /><br />There's a new everything now.DeWitthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06283916507703126733noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-70269471112067550852011-04-08T17:12:00.000-04:002011-04-08T17:12:28.547-04:00Hybrid texts?Bringing it back around to teaching... I can appreciate all of what Susan has to say, and also JT's comment about studies relating learning to student-teacher connections. That's a helpful way to look at it. It doesn't matter so much <em>what</em> we're teaching or <em>how</em>, in the end, but maybe what matters more is the human connection that emerges (which is to some extent out of our hands?).<br />
<br />
Question: does anyone have suggestions for hybrid texts that are appropriate/accessible enough for undergraduates? I've been teaching <em>Don't Let Me Be Lonely</em> and <em>Incubation: A Space for Monsters</em>, and the students connect to them to varying degrees. I'd like to add to that list or switch them out-- in an attempt to keep myself from becoming too "settled" in my teaching. Problem is, I haven't had much time for reading lately.<br />
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(Although I did recently read Eileen Myles' <em>Sorry, Tree</em> and Dodie Bellamy's <em>Barf Manifesto</em> and Dorothea Lasky's <em>Poetry Is Not a Project</em>... maybe more on those later, as I'm still processing... and those aren't for teaching as much as for writing (for me, at least)...)<br />
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I do think that in teaching hybrid texts to undergrads, I run the risk of simplifying these very complex books. I think only a small number of students, in the end, "get" the complexity. The rest probably just discover a different approach to reading and writing. I wonder if it's enough to be happy with that discovery, for them, or if I'm doing the texts a huge disservice? I also have to add that <a href="http://afteriwasdead.blogspot.com/2010/10/see-through-hybrid-text-talk-from.html">this essay by our own L.M.</a> on her own blog has been SUPER helpful in teaching hybrid texts, and it's the only outside source I bring in (it's really just a composition class, by the way-- "Writing About Literature"). If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it!Kristinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406462525682631095noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-2618939798956881452011-04-06T21:24:00.003-04:002011-04-08T13:45:16.309-04:00It's March Again<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDmyBR-GaJ-9zwlfOUVr10eSQLYR4L3rm6Yetm8EgBodSVCNyWJVDlLqFvbJNHf5N0MLSlF8PPfZc2WibsQalNwuROQzFvfUDGux4PDcJc81zmhi0_S7GD_CRSSa0dCunRzjtbCRi5MYs/s1600/tree.JPG"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDmyBR-GaJ-9zwlfOUVr10eSQLYR4L3rm6Yetm8EgBodSVCNyWJVDlLqFvbJNHf5N0MLSlF8PPfZc2WibsQalNwuROQzFvfUDGux4PDcJc81zmhi0_S7GD_CRSSa0dCunRzjtbCRi5MYs/s320/tree.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5593269856561494562" border="0" /></a><br /> It's March again, which means it's April and now time to prepare for Christmas. Once again, the world will turn to the Christmas tree. Mighty, mighty Christmas tree.<br /><br />Ohh, conical flora of year's dusk. The history of decorating the tree with ornaments is the same as the history of dyeing eggs for Thanksgiving. It all began one Sunday six years ago in a Winnebago outside of the White House.<br /><br />FDR had just launched the robots. USSR secret operatives were crawling toward the red, metal door. China had for the first time successfully cloned the Dali Lama. If I were to say the world was in a state of violent indecision, I believe you would agree with me.<br /><br />Then one man came onto the scene. A saint among devils, you might say. This man was a traveling tree salesman known informally as good ol' Nick Fury. He was planning on burning all the world's evil to the ground.<br /><br />He had guts, but Kaczynski-style. Except he did not have the genius IQ. So instead of making the world cower in fear, he snuck into millions of houses, stowing colorful trees in each one. How did he do it?<br /><br />Not even he knows. He was black-out tripping, Ambien-style. Now who looks like a fool? Yep, you.<br /><br />Don't ask stupid questions.<br /><br />Just keep rocking it.<br /><br />Going forward.<br /><br />He thought the trees would explode. And they did explode. They exploded with happiness. Presents-style.<br /><br />Now every year, mid-April, but we call it March, 4 or 5 days before new-years-day, we celebrate his so stupid it's brilliant idea which ended the cold and hot wars which cured presidential polio.<br /><br />We celebrate this by putting up trees.<br /><br />Tree explosions.DeWitthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06283916507703126733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-27564792591424388812011-04-04T14:13:00.068-04:002011-04-10T16:16:40.433-04:00My Puppet Said To Erase<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivoe-W6oiQRt1Jt3KZ4jc0g-K6GT9dKI1IXyeZN7vUvwxqLO88sOUa6_uNoRin5vN2MJoUaIHbbY4CEv8ly1v85-kA8XdqlDqP-kOsXXhzEt9bt-DIbUfw6Q9aD04nN5Q_lqudwWORZ4c/s1600/mrhat.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5591796826216766306" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; width: 157px; height: 320px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivoe-W6oiQRt1Jt3KZ4jc0g-K6GT9dKI1IXyeZN7vUvwxqLO88sOUa6_uNoRin5vN2MJoUaIHbbY4CEv8ly1v85-kA8XdqlDqP-kOsXXhzEt9bt-DIbUfw6Q9aD04nN5Q_lqudwWORZ4c/s320/mrhat.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />There was a kind of an essay here. The author has removed it because she wanted to write something else here instead. It will appear at some point. Posts must be allowed to change, like teenagers.SK-Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14314727212368698509noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-30709088806269476822011-04-04T10:13:00.004-04:002011-04-04T11:00:12.659-04:00desire<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD6lJDYWOcYJksk5okJ7srDbo41ZagE3_6rlwEt3nNPltKcmKBDgVhHJf1swSlDtOdTk3RqLJOxRmjG-DzqfVOFKUKzQ27TfAdURMG3sjcSAhfN-vB88iu9GvGcFI_dCIFlOBJYxHkvy74/s1600/IMG_4712.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD6lJDYWOcYJksk5okJ7srDbo41ZagE3_6rlwEt3nNPltKcmKBDgVhHJf1swSlDtOdTk3RqLJOxRmjG-DzqfVOFKUKzQ27TfAdURMG3sjcSAhfN-vB88iu9GvGcFI_dCIFlOBJYxHkvy74/s400/IMG_4712.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5591741610017094850" /></a><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span">in the context of becoming a human being i've started decorating. I MADE THIS AT 7:45 AM:</span><br /></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204); font-size: large; "><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204); font-size: large; "><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204); font-size: large; "><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204); font-size: large; "><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204); font-size: large; "><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204); font-size: large; "><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204); font-size: large; "><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204); font-size: large; "><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204); font-size: large; "><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204); font-size: large; ">i'm writing a book to the object of my desire and so far have written 30,000 words. each one begins <i>dear object of my desire</i> followed by a rave. the letter is like a pistol. only shooting outward and i can't tell who it's hitting.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >JG wrote on montevidayo "when i'm writing desire makes me sick" to which i think yes. exactly. and the way feeling sick. feeling bulimic. feeling nauseous is what i feel when i write. like i want to vomit on the word. </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-85698848061647148282011-03-21T18:53:00.005-04:002011-03-21T19:30:45.156-04:00stuffing come out of mehere it comes here it comes here it comes here it comes<div><br /><div>on my way home i'm thinking perhaps i should have reread aime cesaires <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; "><i>Cahier d'un retour au pays natal </i></span>and perhaps i wouldn't have had such heartbreak this weekend. its my love of the sentence and repetition that is slowly corroding my insides. and also the video i took at a bar that i can't stop playing on repeat because i can't quite make out what is being said. if that is not a metaphor then no metaphors. it's all there on video and i still can't understand.</div><div><br /></div><div>the aristides have landed in haiti today. and the president addresses his people in multiple languages. <i>if we don't salvage our dignity our dignity will be gone. </i></div><div><br /></div><div>here are things I wrote down during my homecoming:</div><div><br /></div><div><b>if i can only explain myself via dream, and further, the explanation of an explanation of a dream then meaning is an impossible thing. language and image are not the only ways to make a life. but I've been contaminated. </b></div><div><br /></div><div>the feelings were uncontrollable when i got to baton rouge. as feelings are for me. and i had them all. including the ones that made my face hurt in happiness. delirium. and the ones that made me shake at night and tremble the air mattress. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>theres gotta be a way to live a life away from language. but the fever for it. the sickness i get from <i>you</i>. and from form. first distrustful. now sick with it. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>the love was overwhelming. hollowing. like something that roars. and during a conversation by the levy, i know my question is about being a human being when often i just want to be animal. animus. receive love in the way terrain does. i'm sorry, this makes no sense yet. </div><div><br /></div><div>but again, reading from akilah it was so real for me-- <i>we have love we have love we have love we have love we have love we have oh oh oh oh ohho oh angels.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>why is it that some times in your life things are so easy to love and you will love them all your life? because they are your family. </div><div><br /></div><div>i should know the trajectory here. </div><div><br /></div><div>from far away the parade looked like an explosion i was willing to dive into. i ran to it with open arms. and later i said something about the sun burning me and how much i wanted that. its clear i associate love with pain, but for today I'm okay with that. perhaps because i'm happy.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>OOOOH WEEEE. on thursday, i took a picture of JG thinking that i could capture it. on sunday, i take a picture of MC with a baby in her lap and decide that i'm giving up on the photograph again. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>in an interview, someone confuses the aristides' exile as 7 days when it had been 7 years because recollection/recollecting renders things congruent somehow. so i was in br for 89 hours. but it turns into this: it is a difficult thing to be human and make choices. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div> </div></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-69226665864785190882011-02-16T08:14:00.010-05:002011-03-21T18:48:38.942-04:00TEXT/BODYI'm off-put/bothered by Sissy Newsom. <div><br /></div><div>and then came this: SLIPPAGE </div><div><br /></div><div>sissy's glances off-camera, the changes in the pitch of her voice, the collaged cuts between in-ness and out-ness of character. slippage everywhere. gelatinousness. </div><div><br /></div><div>and then this:</div><div>The menace of mimicry </div><div>is its double vision </div><div>which in disclosing </div><div>the ambivalence of colonial discourse </div><div>also disrupts its authority-- from Bhabha</div><div><br /></div><div>when JD first shared this video with me I jotted down the following in my notebook. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>what makes the female body such a cow suit?</div><div><br /></div><div><iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/16443890" width="400" height="225" frameborder="0"></iframe><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/16443890">Sissy Newsome -- Former Lesbian</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/user5123936">John David Harding</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.</p></div><div> </div><div>now I'm struck differently. mainly by the way in with (the/this) video expands/explodes body and renders it something more supreme than the "real body"-- it creates a new more complicated thing: a text. text/body is not a full, three-dimensional thing, a round real thing but a hyperly-unreal thing made up of image, letter, sound, texture that is prone to transformation/mutation. a text/body, unlike the way we are often taught to read fictional characters--- (... hmmm... maybe just the way <i>I </i>was once taught to read fictional characters...) , <i>how are these characters real, how are they like us, how are they likable or unlikable, OR how do they parody us, how are they caricatures ---</i>is expansive, multitudinous, --- godlike. textbody can be stretched, manipulated, pull & pinched, cut up, colored, burnt up, punched out, muted, puffed etc. it can be it and not it. textbody is an opportunity for wild, contradictory manipulation. </div><div><br /></div><div>in "Sissy Newsom--Former Lesbian" JD is arguing (maybe critiquing) for a gender, a sexuality, an identity that is supremely mutable. It takes a video camera, a wig, some jewelry and accent for JD to be transformed. And it takes Sissy just a swab of lipstick for her transformation to come about-- one that goes from Sissy "The Lesbian" to Sissy "The Former Lesbian". Sexualities are a slippery slope of red enamel. Once a lesbian, now a cum-lover. Once a JD, now a Sissy. (I don't want to stress an either/or situation here but a both/and situation that is aimed at underlining our discomfort with such mutability.) think of this discourse--<i> you've changed. you are such a hypocrite. you are so two-faced.</i></div><div><br /></div><div>Sissy's change in identity took just "48 hours, 7 garbage bags and lots of will power." imagine that. how often have i wanted to change myself like that. how often have i been told that such change is impossible. But do I believe her? Do I collude with her? (<---- not the same questions, I know.) Between takes, as JD gives us access to, Sissy is laughing at us. Or is that JD. Are we to take this as a big crack-- i mean, it's fucking hilarious. Clearly these are also the breaks in identity (between character and actor) that are one of the thrills/complications of video work-- or, as Bhabha sets up in the quote above, between the colonizer and its subject-- where authority is subtly subverted. In only being able to mimic, not represent or embody, the colonial subject reveals the impotence of colonial power and simultaneously underlines the inscrutability of identity. </div><div><br /></div><div>But here is where Sissy, as the glorious text-body it is, provides me another reading: identity (and all its subtitles) is obsessively, wonderfully, manically, slippery. sexuality is queered and unqueered at the whim of luring genitalia. gender is costume. language is an accent. (SWEEPING GENERALIZATIONS) we all have a touch of the schizophrenic-- and I say this with all the due respect. and here's a another demented thought-- this condition is both wildly liberating and terrible. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-80422860740264324132011-02-14T12:18:00.004-05:002011-02-14T13:01:43.546-05:00expectationsI wrote these things down during the Raul Zurita reading/panel at AWP. most are his. and some are mine and one is monica de la torre's (i think):<div><br /></div><div>1. poetry is an act of compassion for every detail of the world. </div><div>2. polyphony</div><div>3. the limits of poetry are the purgatory of words</div><div>4. language is like me like a skin and not a like a stain. </div><div>5. IT IN ME</div><div>6. the lyrical subject is shifting but identifiable </div><div>7. at the moment one is writing everything is being written</div><div><br /></div><div>zurita's reading was terrifying. it was comforting to be able to contemplate the differences between words like <i>golpe</i> and blow-- and thinking about how i would have translated <i>golpe</i> to hit. blow being too soft a word. anything to distance myself from all those rotting bodies flying across the sky. it was rough. i couldn't let the language in me. wait, i could <u>only</u> the language in me-- not the meanings. not the essence. gosh-- this is embarrassing to say-- but i guess i was zoning out a little bit. </div><div><br /></div><div>perhaps this addresses some of Kristin's concerns, in an odd way. I didn't find myself saddened by the reading and i should have been-- it was powerful and moving and horrific and beautiful. The language creates a distance tho. It is a distance/distancing. So when I read a "sad" poem or hear one, I am more in Susan's camp-- seeing the poem as an anchor for a type of connection that exists more on the level of construction rather than content. this might be a sickness.</div><div><br /></div><div>i feel implicated by this statement-- like i'm avoiding a substance. but any way in, right? or am I taking a way out. </div><div><br /></div><div>HOW IS A READER SUPPOSED TO RESPOND- WHAT ARE THE EXPECTATIONS FOR THE READER/CONSUMER</div><div><br /></div><div>when i finished my thesis last year, several of my readers said they felt assaulted by the work. this was a hurtful thing to hear. it was hard to think of my writing as a weapon. and i denied it. </div><div><br /></div><div>when you enter a text, you are coming into an understanding with its writer. what are the boundaries there. how can i negotiate not letting myself lay down and die. lately, i read as writer and find this easy. consumptive. self-indulgent. i guess this is what i did during the zurita reader. i need to be more people and less writer? </div><div><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-36792373691079602442011-02-14T09:37:00.001-05:002011-02-14T09:39:31.737-05:00first post: claudia rankineI'm thinking about this:<div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; "><p>Dear friends,</p><p>As many of you know I responded to Tony Hoagland’s poem “The Change” at AWP. I also solicited from Tony a response to my response. Many informal conversations have been taking place online and elsewhere since my presentation of this dialogue. This request is an attempt to move the conversation away from the he said-she said vibe toward a discussion about the creative imagination, creative writing and race.</p><p>If you have time in the next month please consider sharing some thoughts on writing about race (1-5 pages).</p><p>Here are a few possible jumping off points:</p><p>- If you write about race frequently what issues, difficulties, advantages, and disadvantages do you negotiate?</p><p>- How do we invent the language of racial identity–that is, not necessarily constructing the “scene of instruction” about race, but create the linguistic material of racial speech/thought?</p><p>- If you have never written consciously about race why have you never felt compelled to do so?</p><p>- If you don’t consider yourself in any majority how does this contribute to how race enters your work?</p><p>- If fear is a component of your reluctance to approach this subject could you examine that in a short essay that would be made public?</p><p>- If you don’t intend to write about race but consider yourself a reader of work dealing with race what are your expectations for a poem where race matters?</p><p>- Do you believe race can be decontextualized, or in other words, can ideas of race be constructed separate from their history?</p><p>- Is there a poem you think is particularly successful at inventing the language of racial dentity or at dramatizing the site of race as such? Tell us why.</p><p>In short, write what you want. But in the interest of constructing a discussion pertinent to the more important issue of the creative imagination and race, please do not reference Tony or me in your writings. We both served as the catalyst for this discussion but the real work as a community interested in this issue begins with our individual assessments.</p><p>If you write back to me by March 11, 2011, one month from today, with “OPEN LETTER” in the subject heading I will post everything on the morning of the 15th of March. Feel free to pass this on to your friends. Please direct your thoughts to openletter@claudiarankine.com.</p><p>In peace,<br />Claudia<br />openletter@claudiarankine.com</p></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-32912675807874761612011-02-07T21:23:00.002-05:002011-02-07T21:25:37.058-05:00Cheer up, you poems!This is my first post. Sorry it's taken me so long.<br />
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I'm sad I didn't see you all (or, most of you) at AWP.<br />
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I'm sad about other things, too. But mainly I've been wondering why whenever I try to write more poetry, I get more sad. About the world, I mean. You know how intelligence is often depicted by a negative outlook? For example, we deconstruct, we tear apart, we analyze, we cut things down. But where is the building up? Of course the world is sad and scary and there is a lot to be angry about. (Also, the <a href="http://vidaweb.org/the-count-2010">VIDA report</a>: so there is that, too, to be angry about.) [These posts can't include links? Here's the report: http://vidaweb.org/the-count-2010]<br />
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Why is it that I'm trying to write poetry, which means I'm reading lots of interesting, intelligent, difficult poetry books, but I'm also trying to live a happy life, which means I'm reading fluffy self-love/self-help stuff, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Consolations-Philosophy-Alain-Botton/dp/0679442766">"The Consolations of Philosophy"</a> by Alain de Botton, etc etc. I'm doing this to keep my head above the water level. But where are the books of poetry that do this as well? Seriously, do any of you have any suggestions for happy or funny or light-hearted poetry books that are STILL intelligent and NOT Billy Collins? <br />
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Or do any of you have this problem, too? Maybe you have some words of advice?Kristinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406462525682631095noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-846523177862722054.post-23649598532207129672011-01-28T19:24:00.003-05:002011-01-28T19:36:05.231-05:00PROCESS IS DISGUSTING<img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 247px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjURJDOZXo288mOhEgNjZt1ua2KdvF1S8oqOUbcNaiBQTmGFO1Up8eaiHBgTetcQoR52EC_B_6n4hWfRZnF4VGJhvNVhR_GQj80cWTzY_SFTv7vvETwY_NNIgZXQqhDy7VU9CYRiFag174/s320/back.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567397624618633490" />I went to the social security office today to get a new card. I was thinking for some reason I was thinking <i>this can't possibly take too long I mean really how many people have this problem I mean I'll just run in and get it done. </i><div><br /></div><div><i></i>I did not bring a book. </div><div><br /></div><div>I had stack of papers explaining what I needed to do to get my replacement card, my wallet, my passport, my phone and a pen. </div><div><br /></div><div>Cell phones must be turned off: XXX</div><div><br /></div><div>I stared at the screen telling me how to get my social security benefits. I listened to some other people. I thought about a dream I had where I am always mad at you because you ignore me and then when I get upset you don't get upset and sometimes I hit your arms and this one time you got on your bike and rode away even though I ran after you screaming your name. I think I said please, too, but I don't remember very well. Only that I was sad and you were on a blue bike wearing a red sweater. </div><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 247px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFz51FFkMXplGI9K8a33Kx_5yILo_rTC6grxrpAvnaWNoUL_Dnbb8Tl-uBHVpBh-Y_16K4dqc_YN51d7KKbXnx4dWgUMjH4DXzvb8keiclbZhBxV__akC6-sIa2Qbe21zBB_aUMWO9tro/s320/front.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567397628289629826" /><div><br /></div><div>I looked at the numbers: still 2 til me. </div><div><br /></div><div>I looked at my lap. </div><div><br /></div><div>I realized I had a pen and paper but nothing hard to write on.<br /><div><br /><br /></div></div>Jenn Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03686960520183647334noreply@blogger.com2