PROCESS IS DISGUSTING

I went to the social security office today to get a new card. I was thinking for some reason I was thinking this can't possibly take too long I mean really how many people have this problem I mean I'll just run in and get it done.

I did not bring a book.

I had stack of papers explaining what I needed to do to get my replacement card, my wallet, my passport, my phone and a pen.

Cell phones must be turned off: XXX

I stared at the screen telling me how to get my social security benefits. I listened to some other people. I thought about a dream I had where I am always mad at you because you ignore me and then when I get upset you don't get upset and sometimes I hit your arms and this one time you got on your bike and rode away even though I ran after you screaming your name. I think I said please, too, but I don't remember very well. Only that I was sad and you were on a blue bike wearing a red sweater.

I looked at the numbers: still 2 til me.

I looked at my lap.

I realized I had a pen and paper but nothing hard to write on.

not subject but object

EXTRANEOUS MOVEMENTS MAKE YOU LOOK NERVOUS***

YOU ARE A MAN. YOU ARE ALIVE. THIS IS YOUR SPACE. (Spread your keys cigarettes wallet across your space. This says, I am here. This is my space).

DID SHE GIVE YOU THE ANCIENT LOOK DOWN RITUAL

the hierarchy of body:

1. spirit (as in our spirits never broken)

2. heart (as in she's got heart)

3. (two) feet (as in he's going to land on his feet)

4. gut (as in go with your gut feeling)

5. leg (as in he's got a leg up on the competition)

6. spine (as in you're spine-less)

7. head (as in she's got a good head on her shoulder)

8. shoulder (as in he can shoulder the pain)

9. testicles (as in you've got some balls)

Sounds Of

Help.

I can’t stop going to interact with people

I hardly know in a superficial way.

I used to do it in real life

and now I do it on the computer.

I mean, I used to on

the computer, and now I do in real life.

The computer in real life. People. In there.

Me with them. That’s where I’ve been.

Yes, I was drunk.

No, I didn’t hook up with anyone.

Squirrels on the roof. The crunch

of someone wrapping presents. The tapping

of someone like me typing. Someone like me.

always staring

at the darkness and large holes.